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Klingon Commander
Welcomes All Comers
At BC's
By K.T.
Things haven't been the same at Bodacious Classics (2433 S.E. Powell)
since that big shiny vehicle crashed through the roof. It still hangs
from the ceiling, above the bar. On closer inspection, it is identified
as a turquoise '57 Chevy. This situation is food for thought, and so
is the Klingon Karaoke night on Thursdays.
Lieutenant Commander Qaolin vestal-Kiln (Qaolin), Language/Ritual
Officer on the IKV Raptor, an independent ship of the New Empire, has
also made a hard landing in the neighborhood recently. Qaolin insists
that this was the mistake of his navigator, who refused to stop and
ask for directions, as they encountered a temporal anomaly. Now, unable
to get repair parts for their vehicle and doing poorly at unloading
a cargo of whoopee cushions, they amuse themselves by performing Klingon
Karaoke and other amazing feats at BC's, every Thursday night.
At 8 p.m., a sci-fi flick is broadcast onto the big screen and at 9
p.m. the real action starts. DJ music is "on the air" operated
most nights by a person whose name, inaccurately read, is pronounced
"yugh-yín." A recent Thursday evening featured the
man behind the voice of the Toxic Avenger of Troma Films, at
the control panel. Don't let the word "control" fool you.
BC's is in a dignified heat with Callahan's Crosstime Saloon
and has off-street parking next to the space vehicle landing area behind
the building. Familiar local foods are available, expertly cooked. The
native servers will be happy to assist you with your choices. The crew
claims that the nachos are the best deal, but "beware of the blue
stuff." One "best-kept secret" is BC's great steak dinner,
to which this writer can attest. Special drinks include the "Monte
Klingon" and yes, you do have to eat the worm.
It is perhaps not well known that Klingon folk are not singers,
but rather perform best in the classic "shouting" style. Qaolin's
gutsy rendition of the Klingon adaptation of Born To Be Wild
is a good demonstration of this musical art. The real tear-jerker is
his sincere delivery of Klingon Nation, performed to the tune
of Cherokee Nation. He does hunger for his homeland, bless his hearts;
it will fill your tear ducts, if you have them. He dances with his battle
weapon, then cheers you by using it to play air-guitar. You have never
seen anything like this. When Qaolin stomps out his version of Bad
To The Bone in Klingon, weapon in hand, no translation is necessary.
The intimate but adequate dance floor invites dancers of any shape,
with room for eager feet no matter how many you have.
Club-goers also eagerly await the arrival of the Singing Stormtrooper,
who stops by on his way back to the base, after his duty tour. Still
encased in his glossy white protective gear, he doffs his helmet and
sings selected numbers in English. What a guy!
Also in attendance is Clyde (of Clyde & The Klingons), who is the
voice of talk radio's Ground Zero program, at 1080 on your AM dial,
Fridays and Saturdays 10 a.m. to 2 p.m., and Sundays 8 p.m. to midnight.
Currently of interest is the approach of the Klingon Death Metal Band
called Stovokor, performing heavy metal rock (no kidding?).
The man behind the mask, Jim Colvill, makes his way in the world as
a cook at the Rose Schnitzer Manor, an assisted living facility. Surely
the residents there enjoy his gustatorial talents. A native Portlander
and Grant High School grad (class of '75), his travels and adventures
have taken him far away and back again. He was awarded his BA in Art
Education at Iowa State University but notes "a cook never starves."
Education is a high priority in his family and Colvill says he is an
avid reader. At age nine, he was visually devouring Kipling, then moved
on to Poe and Orwell. Roddenbery, Asimov and Heinlein have all revealed
their literary secrets to Colvill, who recalls watching all the science-fiction
TV shows and movies in his youth; of special note was Sinister Cinema.
And who can forget Science Fiction Theater regularly interrupted
by uncounted repetitions of ads by an import auto dealer who made Milwaukie
famous, you know.
Colvill attended sci-fi cons ("conventions") in 1988-89 in
Des Moines and Minneapolis. His exposure to the cosmic variety of otherworldly
life at such a gathering in 1995, including a Klingon Assault Group,
convinced him to enjoy Klingon culture in his personal life. He heard
his first Klingon Karaoke performance at a WestCon two years ago; the
performance of a song such as My Way in Klingon inspired him
to create and introduce his own character, the wandering Qaolin.
Not all those who wander are lost, however, and Colvill cites the Klingon
language as the fastest growing language in the world. At international
sci-fi celebrations, the Klingon language is often the only language
in common for attendees from many countries. A Language By Mail program
is available at the Klingon Language Institute (www.kli.org).
Newcomers can obtain much educational material at this site and enjoy
the cultural diversity. It is a point well taken, made by Colvill, that
if you can look at someone who is totally different from you and accept
them, that acceptance of "differentness" can easily be transferred
to daily life. He adds that seeing something attractive in the appearance
of the bold, strong and strange-looking women of Klingon heritage exercises
his appreciation of diversity.
The Singing Stormtrooper, (also known as Jerry), enjoys the music scene
at BC's, as he and Klingon officers boogie down with the Earth natives
to tunes like Sharp Dressed Man (a girl could really go for a
guy in uniform). All people are welcome, in uniform or in "civvies",
to join in the quest for the line between what's real and what's not.
It is also a point of pride with this writer that she can still fit
into her old uniform, but that was then and this is now.
Klingon Karaoke Night is a time to relax and enjoy your "other"
selves. DJ and owner Ralph McKee lines the walls of BC's with autographed
photos and related artwork, authentic motion picture creatures and more.
No matter where you come from or what shape your shape is in, plug in
and play at BC's. Ponder the great cosmic question, "If a creative
anachronism becomes commonplace, where then is the anachronism?"
Every Thursday at BC's is Halloween and on Wednesdays, witness the "British
Invasion" with Scooter Night.
So, what could a musician do to be "really different," otherworldly?
Play the electric guitar upside down and backwards maybe, in the middle
of time somewhere, in a forest of guitar amplifiers cranked up past
11 on the knob, 57,000 watts of scalar waves, unshielded radio pulses?
Get a recursive signal pumping and set the guitar on fire to see what
it sounds like while the electronics overheat, melt, fuse.......nah!
Nobody would believe that. It's too weird.
DJ music is featured all nights (song requests welcome) except for
Sunday. For the game enthusiast, two dart boards and Golf 2003 are available.
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